the leap

i’m there,

on the precipice

ready to leap.

i promise i’m trying, i promise i want to take it

more than anything, i need to leap

but there, right at the edge. when i’m about to quit, when i’m about to take the risk, a deformed, defaced shadow comes from within and

weeds doubts from the past in a thousand different voices

a ruthless attack with no face,

an agglomerate of faces, too familiar, too estranged

worded knives

i draw back, shielding bloodless wounds. how could i

i’m scared. a coward. an anxious coward lying to itself, filled to the brim with shame.

i swear. i’m trying. i used to be so brave.

so,

i gather back up, again and again and again. i put all my bravery back together into an armour, like frankenstein creating its masterpiece

this time will be right

and again i go, times and times again,

i’m there,

on the precipice

ready to leap.